Saturday, July 21, 2012

...and Moving On Is Better than Dwelling

My mom and brother are schizophrenic.  I grew up with two people who constantly believe their problems are brought by the actions of others, which is funny since I often start looking at a problem with this question in mind, "What did I do to create this?"

While I think it's healthy to know that most issues have two sides, I'm beginning to realize sometimes it really isn't you.  Sometimes things just happen in your life. This is devastating to a person who is used to being proactive and a fixer. 

How do you fix something you didn't break? 

My horrible flaws are: I worry, I dwell, I overthink to the nth degree.  If the problem wasn't caused by my actions, and I can't fix it, I turn on the hyper-dwell-overthink mode in my brain to give it something to do.  This is not a good thing.  Trust me.  All it does is make you tired and sad.  The only way to be proactive in a situation that involves you - but wasn't created by you - is to move beyond it.  This involves a fuck-ton of forgiving.  It involves a universe worth of love.  It involves trust.

I'm lucky.  I have amazing friends who smack me upside the head and remind me that sometimes there isn't anything I can do but move on.  They remind me of the good, agree with the fucked-up bad, and reassure me that nothing will ever make them stop loving me and mine.  Total support from spectacular people I respect and honor is very helpful.

Once the dwell-overthink thing starts to settle, I immediately move to the future.  The bright, shiny, new future. 

The one I get to help create.


  1. As a fixer, I relate to that part. And the majority of what you said, actually. There are always better things, us fixers live by that mantra. You are a beautiful person and I have to thank you for that post. Made me feel better about a situation.

    1. I just saw this, Rick. I'm still struggling a bit, but everyday gets better. I think I had some sort of breakthrough yesterday that really helped set this a bit more. Hope all is well.