Friday, July 20, 2012

...and Following the Advice Of Wiser People Is Better than Being a Dumbass

I didn't date a lot, but I can't remember a time when I wasn't boy crazy.  I watch Rhiannon around boys and remember what it was to be in first grade and have a boy write, "Justin + GiGi" under the metal slide in the playground.  It was heady stuff.

Romance is tricky.  It shouldn't be, but it is.  We watch movies or read books and there's a formula:

  • Boy meets girl. 
  • They figure out they love each other. 
  • Boy loses girl. 
  • Boy wins girl back. 
It's all very...pat.  In the end, everyone's happy and the theater is a mess of popcorn and spilled soda.

In real life, things can be just as pat.  People meet, fall in love, hurt each other, fight, and make it work or not.  But what is love?  Why do some people stay together and others not?

I think it boils down to this: A decision.

Couples I know that have been together decades say they decided  to stay together.  They decided the other person was worth the hard work it takes to make a relationship work.  They decided every day to stay despite all the shitty things that can tear people apart.  They decided everyday to still be in love.

I like that. 

I can be pretty emotional.  That said, I am very good at locking things away and ignoring them, too, especially things that hurt too much when they see the light of day.  I can be quick to react or very slow & dense.  I never know which will happen, either.  I can also be amazingly logical when I need to be.  My dad always told me, "You follow your heart.  That can be good or very, very bad.  What I need is for you to stop for a minute and be logical.  Think things through.  And quit trying to fix everything.  You can't do it."  I still struggle with that, but I do my best for his sake.  I badly want to control my life, but it seems to be forever swirling out of my reach.  Knowing I can decide to be where I am every day makes it seem like I have some semblance of control, however false that may be.

I decide.

I like that a lot.

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