...and 40 Is Better than 20

At twenty, I:

• got married for the first time.  We didn't discuss whether we wanted children (me: yes, him: no), whether we wanted to settle down anywhere (me: yes, him: no), whether we cared if the other was happy (me: yes, him: well, I think you get the picture).
• thought a person had to sacrifice her own happiness and comfort for the sake of another to prove her love. 
• was very unhappy and didn't think it mattered.  Except for one day, when it mattered a lot.  I got over that.  Well, for a while.  Not really.  I mean, we divorced three years later.
• imagined what "someday" would look like, telling myself it would "somehow" create itself.
• contemplated suicide.

At forty, I:

• have been married twice, which has taught me what I want in a romantic partner: someone kind, who truly loves me and communicates well.  So far, so good with The Guy.
• know that one never has to sacrifice her own happiness and comfort to prove her love.  What kind of jerk would expect her to do that??  And that goes for friendships, too.  Only invite those into your life that accept you as is and encourage and cheer you on.  The "others" will find little spots here and there.  Remove them as soon as you realize neither of you brings the other joy.  What is the point in relationships that don't have that comfort?  I have loved many - still love some of them - but I will not model something unhealthy for my daughter.  I want her to have a peaceful, joyful time in her life.
• am doing what it takes to be happy - the word of the decade, apparently.
• know that "someday" is something I create for myself.
• want to live a long damn time and see the world and accomplish many things.

Happy birthday to me.