Tuesday, December 21, 2010

...and Enjoying the Holiday Is Better than Giving in to Bullies

Ahem.  By bullies, I mean family.  I know this makes me the Bad Guy.  Ahhhh, the holiday season.  If my life were a movie, there would be a series of comical mishaps that would end with everyone hugging, realizing that life on this planet is short.  I already know how it will end, though, and it won't be Hollywood-style.  It will be awkward and uncomfortable, full of resentment.

The usual.

I love the idea that the holiday season can make families come together and reconnect, but I have yet to see that.  What I see is manipulation.  My little family is supposed to bend at the will of others to make the tug-of-war favor one side over the other.  I can't do it.  I want to spend Christmas Eve with my husband's grandparents, who are in their mid-eighties and might not have a lot of Christmas Eves left.

Losing Sheldon this year was a slap in the face by Mortality and it still stings.

My choosing this arrangement means that I am slighting people who share my last name - people who will see me the very next day.  AND I didn't know they weren't going to this particular event when I agreed to attend.  I've come to hate the holidays when I used to be so excited.  I have to fake it so that my daughter can have a nice season and that is so depressing.  I would love it if everyone could get past the crappy issues and have a nice night, but I can't even bring myself to do it, so I can't expect it of others.

Yesterday I actually tried to convince my husband that we should move to Costa Rica before next Christmas.  He said no.


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